Freedom Dogs

I take pride in following no metro area news. So why do I tune in to these dunderheads every night at 10? I suppose part of it is wanting to keep tabs on the burglaries in the neighborhood so I know how many Hydra-Shok hollow-points to carry with me the next day. Some of it is the weather, and yes, I'll admit to the occasional thin smile when the Packers fisk the Viqueens. I know this is no excuse so to assuage my guilt, I offer these Anti-KARE posts as penance for my sin. Why do I pick on KARE 11? I blame the subliminal advertising NBC beamed into my formative underclassman brain while watching Days of our Lives at UW-Eau Claire (NBC had the only TV station in town). Plus, anyone who would willingly abandon the prized call-letters WUSA for a socialist moniker like KARE shall not escape justice. On to tonight's broadcast:

Hyper-Miling: KARE-less has fallen for another hoax. Apparently, some news-hacker called them up and told them he saves 50% on gas by driving the speed limit and coasting to stops. Really. In Minneapolis? Who does that? Certainly not the soccer-moms who were honking and bounding over curbs to get around him. Being a hick transplant from Wisconsin, I've taken special pride by driving around town like this for years; like I'm still back on the farm inspecting the corn fields. While I love the attention I get from y'all, ol' Storm is still only getting 12MPG. That didn't stop our intrepid reporters, though. They still had the guy on, albeit as a subtle way to once again broach the delicate subject of our attrocious gas prices and the evil oil companies that are gouging us.

The Gas Crisis: any news outfit whose main aim has been to perpetrate the gas tax should have their "the sky is falling" permit revoked everytime gas prices go up. I don't know what it is with these news producers but maybe if someone blew up the BP and the Amstar across the street, they wouldn't be fascinated by the prices every time they pulled in to work.

Puppies: Oh nooooooo!!! Not again. Someone left a litter of puppies in the dumpster. Call the UN. Issue an Amber Alert. I can see this being a "Before We Go" segment for some little town station in Golden Valley, Minnesota, but the 4th item of the night in a major metro market? Hello. Maybe if the mom had had them aborted by the Planned Parenthood vet, this wouldn't be a story.